LOCKED INSIDE THE PAST

Today marks it 4 years that we had parted ways and the last time I checked, it was revealed to the whole world on Facebook that she is now married, even blessed with a fine baby boy.

Sometimes the best message that could be given is the one given to ourselves, I truly know I needed to move on with my life, possibly start all over again with a feeling of walking out of every pain that I have been carrying inside of me for years that has eaten deep into my heart.

Time really flies but the love I have for Evelyn has never taken a step out of my heart, each day I rise from my bed with her memories somewhere lingering on the surface of my heart. There have been times I found myself crying each time those memories I shared with her came to play.

This is someone whose life has really had a good meaning, a lady who has been blessed with a wealthy man.

I was well fed by Facebook and evidently informed by Instagram that she got married to the managing director of Abbatech Technology, a company that has recorded many successes for more than a decade both at home and abroad. Her life must have been financially influenced by her rich husband, I silently thought with my head rested to my bed.

Now I regretted the day I met this lady who left my heart with pain and agony to live with. I have been struggling to snap out of this impossible feelings. 

Love is truly sweet when both sides are paddling the canoe of love, it is a journey that needs two bodies, two souls and two spirits in her equation, the equation of love can not be solved without the presence of X and Y as factors to be considered.

No one needs to tell me that I needed to find a way out of this impossible love but still found it hard to believe that Evelyn had eventually left me with no trace. 

I really can't forget the promises we made to each other on the mountain while counting the stars in the sky, I really can't stop thinking about how we sat and planned our future together or should I forget the day I took her home, how she was openly and warmly received in our home?. Should I forget how she touched the hairy part of my eyes and said baby I love you.? How we rub our lips with romantic kisses.

Truly we didn't come from a rich background but the kind of happiness that existed between us can not be commonly found in our current society. 

Her departure was like a dream to me, I needed to admit to the fact that I have loved her more than my life. She has become a part that makes my life complete, a touch that completes my life paintings.

I have tried to love again in an attempt to replace her thoughts that have occupied every space in my heart, my potential as a man was found sleeping, I began to lose focus in my place of work which led to my exit as a banker in my reputable organization.

I thought life was difficult but now it was more difficult for me to handle the dealings of life, nothing truly has meaning to me without her presence in my life. She has managed over the years to become the salt that gives my soup a meaningful taste, the only key that opens my heart, the golden touch that beautifies my life paintings.

I live each day with the belief that Evelyn would still call me, possibly to apologize for leaving me , there have been times I have placed my phone very close to my bed, anxiously waiting for the call of a woman who has found happiness in the arms of another man, does that not sound foolish or stupid of me? It truly did. 

So many times I have heard people arguing that love is a potent force that can make men act like fools and my response has always been I can never be found in such a situation.

Now, what is happening to me?  This thing called love has managed to turn me to a big fool. She has become the X to be found in my equation of life, the sound that gives my trumpet a sound, the one that gives my eyes the sight I need to journey on in life, I began to live like a blind man who is busy looking for his rod.

Honestly, I have tried another relationship but always found it hard to be committed, trusted and loved just exactly the way I loved Evelyn. I really can not forget the day I met Shewa and I was determined to take her seriously but I ended up losing her into the arms of another guy because love does not come with force, it comes naturally.

At this time, I began to conclude that I have truly lost myself in the process of losing Evelyn into the arms of another guy.

My life was subjected under the authority of the love I have once loved and now lost, the battle I have fought undefeated, the task I have started unfinished, the race I have run incomplete.

After 5 years of unbeatable memories, I met Dimeji in Lagos when I went to view a football match between Chelsea and Arsenal. That was the spot I met Dimeji who happened to be a Chelsea fan as I was and still is.

 While we were watching the match we smile as we reflected on those legends that had fought a good fight during their seasons in Chelsea Football Club, we never failed to mention Drogba, the greatest, Lampard, the goal-getter, Makele, Essien and Mikel Obi was as well mentioned.

Finally, we exchanged contacts and we got along as guys, sometimes we cracked jokes, talked about politics, music industry but always ended every bit of our discussion on the platform of football. I think after love, football rules in my heart just like the love of Evelyn.  Honestly, Dimeji's magic worked on me, I found another reason to smile again with the help of Dimeji, my newly found friend.

A day was brought to a reality wherein we both shared our past experiences on things we had learned about life. It was at this time, I began to wake up the memories unconsciously that I never wanted to reflect on, at the instance, Dimeji noticed the silent noise that looks hidden in my heart, my pain that was clouded with a smile.

Honestly speaking, I have never met a friend like Dimeji, I think he has one kind of inner power to read people's thoughts and feel people's pain. 

Eventually, he got me on that and pushed me to share the whole story and he looked into my eyes and said Daniel we are going to win this together as we do call ourselves DD, one love brother , a warm hug was delivered to me, it felt like a pain relief to me as tears began to rush down from my eyes.

Another day arrived, I was outside washing my clothes and by the time I got in, I met 5 missed calls on my phone, I decided to check, to my amazement, all the missed calls came from Dimeji, I tried calling him back on my Mtn line while I have forgotten that I have exhausted my airtime that I borrowed from Mtn line which I used to call my Mom who stays in Akure.

I saw reasons to rush out to get a card in order to put a call to my darling friend who has gradually added a plus to my life since we met.

 I have realized one thing in this world, one of the easiest ways to get a problem solved is by sharing it with the right person, but the issue is, how would I identify the right person? I was lucky to have one who bears Dimeji even in a place I never believed I could. 

In the long run, I got a voucher to recharge on my Glo line, I called Dimeji through my Glo line, I never forgot I am still owing Mtn, the credit I borrowed. I did call him and he asked me a question If I can come to Royal Ambassador Counselling Center by 3 pm tomorrow after we are done watching another match between Liverpool and Chelsea?  And I responded quickly with Capital YES.

I never knew a day will be recorded that will give my life a better meaning, I never believed I have some stuff in me that can announce my name to the world.

 Having done with the match where Chelsea lifted the Super Cup trophy,2 goals were scored by Christian Pullisic and Liverpool slightly managed to score a single goal in the 89 minutes of the game.

At exactly 3:30 pm, we got to Ambassador Counselling Centre, we actually got delayed by the traffic issues on our way. I didn't know Dimeji had first gone to book an appointment ahead of our meeting with Mrs. Daniels and I said silently in my heart, this guy is truly a good friend. 

We were warmly welcomed by Mrs. Daniels, I must confess Mrs. Daniels was the exact representation of Favour, the most beautiful daughter of Mr. Michael, the one I read in the Novel.

Her height, her face, and even her skin were damn inviting, at a point, my heart clicked in and began to wake the sleeping memories that existed between me and Evelyn. Oh my God! I was saved by a touch from my dear friend which resuscitated me back to life.

After a whole conversation that went between me and Mrs. Daniels, there was one thing that she said that struck my heart just like the way Moses struck the rock. She looked into my eyes and said, Mr. Daniel, there is no solution anywhere in this world that can work without your determination to get out of the problems.

She moves on as she says there is no permanent cure for a man who is suffering from a headache and still continues to think about that particular thing that always results in his headache.

She said another point that hits me big on the chest, she said another thing that can help me is to always dwell among people that I love, the key to close the door of sadness is by opening the door of happiness.

 
She furtherly explained that I should discover that spectacular thing that gives me joy and be consistent about that thing, she said within the little space of time, the pain will be a thing of the past, I never knew when I said amen to that.

She gave me a book that I read, that talks about a man who got locked inside the past and this prevented him from becoming what he was destined to become in life. 

The book looks exactly like my present challenges but the only striking difference is that the man later hanged himself, after losing all in the name of love.

Thoughts began to rush down into my heart like a mighty storm and I began to ask myself several questions like; Do I want to end up like this man who gave it all for love and died on the journey of love? Do I want to end my life without fulfilling my core purpose of existence? Do I want to be permanently locked inside the past? Do I want to remain like a shadow in this world where I needed to break grounds and set indelible marks? Do I really desire to see my potentials sleeping without me going to wake them up?.

Having done with these questions, I began to see new reasons to quickly snap out of my past and face my present challenges with a mindset of reaching and achieving the desired future.

From that spot, I began to find the courage and was able to apply every bit of the lectures delivered to me by Mrs. Daniels as time passed by.

After 3 months, I decided to search for a new job, thank God, am a graduate. To God be the glory, after a long search, I got another job in United Bank For Africa where I got promoted after 6 months of working as a relationship manager to a higher position of a global relationship manager which gives me access to tour the world as one of the benefits attached to that position.

 After 2 years, I got married to the most beautiful person in the world named Abigail Okunade and we were blessed with 3 boys and 2 girls. I found love again that took me down from the earth, up to the sky.

Abigail is the most humble woman that I have ever met in my entire life and as God we have it, she happened to be an old coursemate to Dimeji during their University days, we met during their reunion program which Dimeji invited me to.

After so many years of living together with my beautiful Abigail and adorable children in joy, love, and fruitfulness in all sides.

One day I decided to visit a supermarket with the mind of purchasing some beautiful gifts for my adorable kids and beautiful wife.

On my way to the supermarket, I was stopped by a woman who was begging for alms, to my surprise, she introduced herself to me as Evelyn. I must confess she had completely changed, she was the exact definition of ugliness, I couldn't recognize her after so much explanation, I finally believed her through the sound of her voice.

She knelt down like a lonely daughter who is desiring for care and touch of her lost mother. My past is my past that was what came to my heart, I decided to park my Lexus Jeep close to the right-hand side of the road. I came down from the car, I held her hands close to mine and took her somewhere where we could find a decent spot to talk at length. 

Before she could say a word, the tears in her eyes were too faster than the story she wanted to share with me, I encouraged her to summon the courage to tell me all she had gone through and I succeeded in making her do that.

She told me after 4 years of marriage with joy, love, wealth and all the pleasures of life in the air, my late husband had to fly to Paris for a business trip and unfortunately got involved in a plane crash which brought an end to his life.

After many days of mourning, I was sent out of my husband's house by his family members without taking a penny from the beautiful mansion, to worsen my situation, I was a full housewife.

After 3 weeks, my child who was still very young ran into the arms of sickness and all attempts to revive him from illness proved abortive, he eventually died.

And since then I have been looking for every means to see you and apologize for my wrongdoings.

 Sincerely speaking, I didn't know when tears found their way to my eyes and wet my eyes with hot water, I held her hands close to mine the more and said to her, all will be well. I gave her my card and asked her to call me, I left.

At 7 pm, I got home and told my darling angel all the story that was told by my ex who left me wandering on the street of life with no direction.

We felt so sorry for all that life has struck her with and we eventually agreed to help her with a sum of 2.5 million naira, maybe to start a small business of her own and other things which will be given to her anytime she calls back.

After 2 days, she called and I told her to forward her account number to me, which she did and I immediately did the transfer to her as agreed. I was called back by her and she appreciated me.

I never believed my life could really take a different shape, so I need to say this before the story will be brought to a halt.

If you are there broken in the heart, it is high time you rose and unlock yourself from those memories that are capable of preventing you from fulfilling your destiny.

Be determined today to live for your future and wake up your sleeping potentials.

It is time to activate your potentials in order to reach a destined future.

If I was unable to take a firm decision, I might as well still be locking myself inside the memories of the past which will definitely prevent me from where I have reached or destined to be today.

When you are locked inside the memories of the past, it will stop you from reaching the future.

Determine and decide today and launch yourself on the pursuit of a destined future.

I love you.

   

.